Tuesday, July 10, 2007

so this weekend was so awesome. i am still tired from it. i got home at 12:30 from knotts on sunday night and i was sooo tired i couldnt even eat. that day was seriously so fun. it was the funnest day of my summer so far. and i bonded w/ everyone. and there were no lines so we rode on alot of rides. so yesterday morning when i woke up it felt like i was spinning. crazy. mom and dad are really busy w/ the back house and fixing it up in time for auntie ying and her family to come. i really am very excited about their arrival. i love auntie ying so much because shes so easy to talk to and fun to be around. but a big part of me is skeptical about it, because they arnt just coming for a few weeks for vacation or anything. they're gonna stay here forever, and that can change many aspects of my life drastically. for example, i can't act the way i do and comfortably anymore because along w/ auntie ying is her son and daughter, and uncle king. so i really dont know about this. but i'm so excited that they're coming because i havent seen my cousins since i was like four years old. and i HOPE with all my heart that i can get along w/ them, because if i can't that would be a pain in the butt if i have to live with them. when the get here, we are gonna go on vacation and little places. i'm so excited. they come on friday, which is they day after vivian leaves. i think the reason why i'm not sad about vivian leaving is because i'm forcing myself not to accept the fact that she is. i dont know what i'm gonna do without her. even though sometimes we compete with each other secretively, it just makes our friendship more fun. from now on, i'm on my own. i wont have her to help me with anything, and i can't tell her anymore of my secrets, or just go over to her house and hang out, or go anywhere with her. i dont know what i'm gonna do. shes my best friend, the one who understands me the most, who would listen to me. we can do anything together and have fun. and we trust each other. i dont trust any of my other friends, and i can't talk to them as comfortable as i can with vivian. vivian is everything a friend should be. i hope we don't lose touch, or grow apart when she moves, even though i know thats almost impossible. the thought of her not being here by my side anymore hurts alot. how can it be possible that i'm going through so much heartbreaks and pain right now? why does it feel like everyone and everything that was once the greatest joy in my life is now dying? am i to be left with nothing ? no friendship, no love, no hope. as of right now, the two most important people to me, (besides parents of course) is vivian and him. both are leaving. what am i going to do?

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